Yoga Medicine for Your New Year’s Resolution Hangover

Are you suffering from a New Year’s resolution hangover? After binge-writing a list of the many and assorted improvements and experiences I want in 2010, I do feel your pain. For self-improvement junkies like me, the prospect of mapping out a life that will be perfect at some future point in time is like cocaine to a crack-head. I realize this, yet I still engage in the insanity.

Here’s how we think: After I give up sugar, grow my own vegetables, purge and organize every closet in my house, make slipcovers for my office furniture, limit the amount of time I spend online, quit judging other people, make cases for my yoga mats, make eye pillows for my students and classmates, read several books each week, play golf this summer, commit 30 minutes a day to prayer and meditation, make a purse out of some old neckties, clean the laundry room and garage, make roman shades for my patio doors, e-mail at least one friend a day and see at least two lifeline friends each month, make 15 minutes a day to pick up the house, make 10 minutes a day to file incoming paperwork, do at least one thing each day in service to others, deepen my knowledge of online marketing, take a class on teaching yoga for kids, finish the taxes by February 15, organize all my loose recipes into notebooks, purge and label all the files in our file cabinets, do a little housework at least two evening a week, continue my fitness schedule of four workouts each week—AFTER I do all this (while holding down two—no wait a minute—three part-time jobs) my life will, of course be perfect, worthwhile, satisfying. I’ll be 95-years-old. But I’ll be—well—satisfied. You get the drift.

Stephen Cope’s book, The Wisdom of Yoga, sheds yogic light on this crazy cycle. It involves three afflictions of the human mind that are the source of nearly all suffering.

1. Cravings. Our tendency to lean forward into the next fantasized moment in the future is called rãga (clinging, attachment, attraction, hunger, ambition).
2. Aversions. Some resolutions are about stopping things we know are bad for us. Yoga masters might have classified this as dvesha —aversion to the experience. This is what tells us to stop, leave, or look backward to a previous state of comfort.
3. Delusions. Finally, we may completely disappear from the moment by creating a delusion, a mind state known as moha. We do this by creating a false picture of reality based on how life should be (which is always different than the way it actually is) or through complete avoidance. (e.g. Don’t make me look!)

Cope’s book is drawn from the Yoga Sutras, a brilliant piece of writing that explores man’s spiritual and psychological nature. He says we crave accomplishments and experiences (rãga), run away from things (dvesha), or create delusions for ourselves (moha) because we don’t fully experience our lives as they already are (avidyã).

Is all longing afflicted? All aversion afflicted? All delusion afflicted? Of course not! There are times that these things serve us well. Cope’s book maps the territory between the healthy and the afflicted state of mind. What makes a mindset afflictive?

1. Afflicted mindsets are disturbing. We feel uncomfortable and unbalanced in our very being.
2. Afflicted mindsets are obscuring.  This state makes things worse or better than they really are. Either way, our perceptions aren’t true or accurate. We overrate some things. Or we fail to notice the bad effects of others.
3. Afflicted mindsets are separative. Something is separating us from our happiness—love, material things, success, achievements. Once we have those things, we’ll feel complete. This is reflected in the life of King Solomon who pursued pleasure, success, love, purity, peace, wisdom--everything known to man. In the end, he said the whole purpose of man was to keep God’s commandments—to commune with God.

Yogis believe that we penetrate these layers of afflicted mindsets through meditation. In meditation, we access a more luminous part of our mind that is already acquainted with happiness as a natural state.

Although this blog does not usually cover matters of religion, as a practicing Christian, I feel duty bound to say this much: If you want a book that teaches you how to live a more peaceful life on earth, study the Yoga Sutras. If you want a book that teaches you how to live a more peaceful life on earth and for all eternity, study the Bible.

In my opinion, the Yoga Sutras echo God’s wisdom in many ways, but you might find a few errors and omissions when it comes to peace that leads to heaven. To the Christian, happiness on earth is far less important than eternal peace with God. Christians believe that meditation, prayer, and godly actions give everyone a shot at the real prize--eternal peace.

If there’s a comparison to be made between the two books, here’s my best (but oversimplified) shot at it: the Bible tells us exactly what God wants us to do to be truly at peace with Him—not just at peace with ourselves. (We’ve already acknowledged that the latter isn’t quite enough because we sometimes lie to ourselves.) The Yoga Sutras reveal some manmade techniques we can use to work our way through some of the more difficult aspects of living to that standard.

If you binged on making resolutions for 2010, Cope’s book might encourage you to look more realistically at your aspirations as insight about yourself. The real value of New Year’s resolutions may be what they reveal about our motivations and our state of mind. The Wisdom of Yoga provides an accessible way to see the Sutras applied in everyday life.

A sizzling book of inspiration for anyone who cares about kids

During my sophomore year of college I had a professor who shared this mantra with his students: be one on whom nothing is lost or wasted.  Use every experience to learn, grow, and become the best that you can. Although its meaning was somewhat lost on me at the time, I understand it completely now. I was reminded of Dr. Backes’ passion for teaching and learning as I read Rafe Esquith’s book, Lighting Their Fires: Raising Extraordinary Children in a Mixed-up, Muddled-up, Shook-up World.

This book is a thoughtful discourse on how we can and must do a better job of raising and educating kids today. It’s a must read for any educator, parent, or youth-centered professional, especially if your enthusiasm has waned or you’re beginning to believe that your effort is similar to rowing a boat upstream. The author has been there himself and acknowledges the cultural inertia that leads to this sort of discouragement.

America’s education problem, Esquith says, stems from being overly concerned with giving kids the material things they need to be educated (e.g. laptops and textbooks) and insufficiently concerned with providing tools and processes that will make a substantive, lasting difference in their lives, giving them the ability to think. He enumerates the ways in which we betray kids, sometimes with the best of intentions and sadly, sometimes with no intention at all.

Although he writes passionately about the changes we need to make at home and in the classroom, the book is salted with humility. That helps the whole thing go down a little easier. Especially when you realize that the bedrock values he believe kids need to reach their full potential are probably antidotes for what ails many of us grownups today—arrogance, selfishness and a host of other character defects. For how can we equip kids with these skills and traits when we lack them ourselves?

Throughout the book, Esquith cites literature and films that reinforce lessons extraordinary kids must learn. As a practicing children’s librarian, I just love that. There is nothing quick, formulaic or simple about his approach to raising kids who succeed in life. Esquith admits it takes a complex mix of prolonged and seemingly small acts among the adults who steer them through childhood and adolescence. Even when kids learn discipline, perseverance, humility, discernment, time management, generosity, delayed gratification, gratitude, personal responsibility and courage, they can still slip up and make poor choices.  Toward the end of the book, there is a wonderful section to help parents and kids evaluate colleges and universities.

Although the author isn’t a parent, he is an award-winning teacher who knows whereof he speaks. His former students, many from underprivileged families in Los Angeles, have graduated from some of the most prestigious universities in the world. He has received numerous awards including the president’s National Medal of the Arts, the American Teacher Award, Parent magazine’s As You Grow Award, People magazine’s Heroes Among Us Award, and Oprah Winfrey’s Use Your Life Award—not that the outward trappings of success mean anything to him. A thing worth doing should be done for its own sake—not to impress others. Getting that wrong is just one of the many ways Esquith says we can warp kids into doing the right things for all the wrong reasons. Esquith’s wisdom can do more than help kids be successful. It can help develop the habits and character that make for a happy and fulfilled life. Read it and you’ll vow to do better by the kids you’re responsible for teaching or raising.

Take the social justice challenge for 2010

Deep down I read because I hope it will make me a better person. I figure that if I become a better person, I may improve the world in some small way. If that’s the kind of thing that motivates me to read, why wouldn’t the same be true for kids? After all, kids are among the most idealistic people on the planet. I used this as the rationale for a new book discussion group for kids at a public library where I work. Kids meet once a month to practice yoga, make art, and discuss what’s going on in other parts of the world--and what even a kid can do to make a difference.

Hooked on this idea as I am, I was delighted when I discovered a reading challenge issued by like-minded people—people who know that books can expand our sense of reality and our place within it. Thanks to fellow blogger Natasha (Maw Books Blog) I’m passing on the Social Justice Challenge, which encourages readers to learn about unjust causes through books, essays and blogs. Beyond that, it offers tools to empower anyone to make positive changes in our world.

This is not an overwhelming commitment, although it has the potential to change the world in significant ways. Sign up for 12 months of participation, but participate at whatever level you want on a month to month basis, depending on how much time you have each month: as a student, activist, intern, volunteer. I hope you and your entire family will join me in this worthwhile pursuit. This is a great family project, so be sure to include your kids. Visit the Social Justice Challenge blog, subscribe, and follow on Twitter for details.

Steve Jobs: 7 Lessons from a Marketing Genius

Today's guest writer is Carmine Gallo, author of The Presentation Secrets of Steve Jobs: How to Be Insanely Great in Front of Any Audience

Apple CEO Steve Jobs is considered one of the greatest marketers in corporate history. For more than three decades, he has delivered legendary keynote presentations, raised product launches to an art form and successfully communicated the benefits of Apple products to millions of customers. Whether you're in sales, marketing, advertising or public relations, Steve Jobs has something to teach you about telling your brand story.

Plan in analog. Steve Jobs may have made a name for himself in the digital world, but he prepares presentations in the old world of pen and paper. He brainstorms, sketches and draws on whiteboards. Before a new iPhone, iPod or MacBook is introduced, the Apple team decides on the exact messages (aka, benefits) to communicate. Those messages are consistent across all marketing platforms: presentations, Web sites, advertisements, press releases, and even the banners than are unfurled after Jobs' keynote.

Create Twitter-friendly headlines. Can you describe your product or service in 140 characters? Steve Jobs offers a headline, or description, for every product. Each headline can easily fit in a Twitter post. For example, when he introduced the MacBook Air in January, 2008, he said that it is simply, "The world's thinnest notebook." You could visit the Apple Web site for more information, but if that's all you knew, it would tell you a lot. If your product description cannot fit in a Twitter post, keep refining.
 
Introduce the antagonist. In every classic story, the hero fights the villain. The same holds true for a Steve Jobs presentation. In 1984, the villain was IBM, "Big Blue." Before he introduced the famous 1984 ad to a group of Apple salespeople, he created a dramatic story around it. "IBM wants it all," he said. Apple would be the only company to stand in its way. It was very dramatic and the crowd went nuts. Branding expert, Martin Lindstrom, has said that great brands and religions have something in common: the idea of vanquishing a shared enemy. Creating a villain allows the audience to rally around the hero -- you, your ideas and your product.

Stick to the rule of three. The human brain can only absorb three or four "chunks" of information at any one time. Neuroscientists are finding that if you give your listeners too many pieces of information to retain, they won't remember a thing. It's uncanny, but every Steve Jobs presentation is divided into three parts. On September 9, 2009, when Jobs returned to the world stage after a medical leave of absence, he told the audience that he had three things to discuss: iPhone, iTunes and iPods. Jobs even has fun with the rule of three. In January, 2007, he told the audience he had "three revolutionary" products to introduce -- an iPod, a phone and an Internet communicator. After repeating the list several times he said, "Are you getting it? These are not three separate devices. They are one device and we are calling it iPhone!"

Strive for simplicity. Apple chief design architect, Jonathan Ive, said Apple's products are easy to use because of the elimination of clutter. The same philosophy applies to Apple's marketing and sales material. For example, there are forty words on the average PowerPoint slide. It's difficult to find ten words in one dozen Apple slides. Most of Steve Jobs' slides are visuals -- photographs or images. When are there words, they are astonishingly sparse. For example, in January, 2008, Jobs was delivering his Macworld keynote and began the presentation by thanking his customers for making 2007 a successful year for Apple. The slide behind Jobs simply read "Thank you." Steve Jobs tells the Apple story. The slides compliment the story.

Reveal a "Holy Smokes" moment. People will forget what you said, what you did, but they will never forget how you made them feel. There's always one moment in a Steve Jobs presentation that is the water cooler moment, the one part of the presentation that everyone will be talking about. These show stoppers are completely scripted ahead of time. For example, when Jobs unveiled the MacBook Air, what do people remember? They recall that he removed the computer from an inter-office envelope. It's the one moment from Macworld 2008 that everyone who watched it -- and those who read about -- seem to recall. The image of a computer sliding in an envelope was immediately unveiled in Apple ads and on the Apple website. The water cooler moment had run according to plan.

Sell dreams, not products. Great leaders cultivate a sense of mission among their employees and customers. Steve Jobs' mission is to change the world, to put a "dent in the universe." According to Jobs, "Your work is going to fill a large part of your life and the only way to do great work is to love what you do." True evangelists are driven by a messianic zeal to create new experiences. When he launched the iPod in 2001, Jobs said, "In our own small way we're going to make the world a better place." Where most people see the iPod as a music player, Jobs sees it as tool to enrich people's lives. It's important to have great products, of course, but passion, enthusiasm and emotion will set you apart.

©2009 Carmine Gallo, author of The Presentation Secrets of Steve Jobs: How to Be Insanely Great in Front of Any Audience

Yesterday the New Oxford American Dictionary named “unfriend” as the top new word of 2009. Unfriend: to boot someone out of your life, either virtually, in real life, or both. The fact that we need a common word for this act may underscore a growing problem we’re having with loyalty these days.

How loyal are you? To your friends, family, employer, customers, colleagues? If you’re like most people who answer that question, you believe that you’re giving way more loyalty than you get. That’s just one of the surprising conclusions of a study done by two experts on the subject of loyalty. In their book Why Loyalty Matters, Timothy Keiningham and Lerzan Aksoy explore every dimension of loyalty and how basic it is to lasting happiness and success in our life and work. The book is an exhaustive study of loyalty that begins with the authors’ research in business marketing and extends to just about every kind of relationship you can imagine.

While most of us are keen to notice when loyalty isn’t flowing our way, the authors say we tend to miss our own role in building loyal relationships. We’ve trained ourselves to shop for the best possible deal. So we scour the earth for the lowest price, but mourn the demise of a business we loved, yet didn’t patronize, never realizing that our behavior was part of its death. It’s this sort of disconnect that has the potential to undermine a virtue that’s the bedrock of humanity and personal character. Without loyalty, all bonds fall apart because we have no reason to hang together.

A certain amount of self-sacrifice and self-examination is a key part of building lasting relationships. “If we always see ourselves as more loyal than everyone around us, the problem will continue,” Aksoy says. “To improve we have to examine what we’re focusing on and recognize how we connect with others.”

Why should I be loyal when others haven’t reciprocated? Aksoy answers the question by comparing loyalty to love. “You don’t give up on love when your heart is broken,” she said. “To get more, you have to give more.”

Sooner or later everyone we know will disappoint us in some way. How we handle those disappointments is a predictor of our satisfaction and fulfillment in relationships at work and in our personal lives.

The authors acknowledge the fact that all loyalty isn’t good. In situations that are toxic or destructive, for example, sometimes the most loyal thing you can do is disconnect. In any context, we have to know where our loyalties are and whether our patterns are constructive. To help readers to appraise their own loyalty behaviors and satisfaction, Why Loyalty Matters includes access to a very useful online tool called the Loyalty Advisor. Using a password that’s published in the back of the book, you can seek 360 degree feedback by inviting up to 10 colleagues and friends to anonymously assess how you present yourself. One week after completing the assessment and submitting the e-mail addresses of your friends, family, or colleagues, you’ll receive a copy of your assessment report.

If you don’t buy the book and take the assessment, here’s a simple, but profound exercise the authors suggest to assess whether your actions are building loyalty where it matters most: 

• Ask yourself how much time you spend at work, with family, with friends, for causes you believe in, or doing nothing. 
• How much time goes to things that inevitably hurt you, worsen your perspective, or ruin your day? 
• How much of what you do with your time actually leaves you feeling uplifted and strong? 
• When it comes to your important loyalties, are you allocating time for them?